my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
