You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
