I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
