I just threw up on my dentist
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
