I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
