the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think weed is turning my hair brown
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize