dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
