I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
