my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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