Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
