do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize