okay pat passed out under dana's car
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
