I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
