Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
