Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
