man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
