"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I smell stomach acid.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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