it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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