I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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