I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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