Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
