Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
