You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
