Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
