This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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