My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
