I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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