someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
