So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
