I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
