And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
