I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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