Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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