No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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