i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
