apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize