i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I touched a dick in church today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
