Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
