your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize