I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
