The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
