I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
