google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
