Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Two words: blizzard sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
