I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
