I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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