not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
