So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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