i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
