Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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