I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So much rum. So many feels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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