babies were throwing up all over the place
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
