She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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