Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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