Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
