You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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