I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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