Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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