This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
