dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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