No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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