I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
this is an emotional support booty call
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
