It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize