if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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