You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
