im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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